Blog

Can you imagine what it is like being on a bicycle with the one you love, both clipped into the pedals and joined to the machine as one, barreling down mountain roads as fast as some cars? Can you imagine being the captain of a tandem racing bike having all of the responsibility to steer, miss pot holes, shift gears and do most of the braking? Can you imagine what it is like to be the stoker (the person in back of the captain) who must trust the captain literally with her life? Can you imagine what happens when your signals get crossed, when the captain is going too fast for the stoker, when you are out of sync with gear shifts and throw a chain and crash!

Paula and I got the idea for writing a blog about what happens to us when we get on our relationship making or breaking bicycle and climb a mountain or enter an event. We cannot tell you how many times seasoned riders have told us that they could never ride a tandem with their husband or wife. Often wives tell us they would need to be the captain and husbands tell us their wives would never trust them. Why is that?

In addition to riding tandem Paula and I are passionate about helping couples commit to connection in their relationships. Having both lived through the pain of previous parallel marriages, and divorces, we want to help ourselves and others avoid the mistakes of disconnection. This blog is about our relationship and what happens to us when we are in and out of sync as a couple.

I (Michael) am a clinical psychologist specializing in Emotionally Focused Marital Therapy. Paula is a certified relationship coach. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT for short) is a scientifically proven psychotherapy that has a 73% success rate with couples in distress. My experience with this therapy continues to teach Paula and me a whole new way of living life in secure attachment.

This blog will combine each of our experiences of living the tandem connection adventure. We will also use composite examples of clients who are bravely choosing to live as one with all of its risks and rewards.

I will also integrate our stories about connection successes and crashes with the theory and neuroscience of adult love. There is a mountain of scientific evidence which is validating the importance of attachment for health, well-being and transformation. We also believe this science has spiritual implications answering a lot of questions about what creates ultimate meaning in our lives.

We would be honored if you would join us in the adventure of the dangerous and transforming experience of being first and foremost committed to connection in Tandem Marriage.